i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
