You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
