it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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