you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
