Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
