I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
