Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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