Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
