I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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