If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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