i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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