Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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