I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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