i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
