I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
