I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
