Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
