Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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