he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
