I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
