Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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