It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
