her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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