dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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