He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
