Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
