yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
