Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
