I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
