I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
