New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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