My Higher Power is John Stamos
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
