did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
