Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
