it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
