I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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