Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i love accidental penises.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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