Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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