Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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