i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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