my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
