there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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