miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
