CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
