At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
