i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is wine microwaveable?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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