He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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