Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
