Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just threw up on my dentist
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
