I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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