chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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