The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
