Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
