You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
